Mirror, Mirror
Breaking some trust with myself isn’t about fulfilling promises of never eating Girl Scout™ cookies during the month of February. Or inhaling a piece of my kid’s pizza because standing on my bad knee to cook quinoa wasn’t as quick. (Since then I’ve discovered Whole Foods has frozen quinoa - #lifesaver.)
Recently, as I was getting myself ready one morning, I had some thoughts on loop. Negative thoughts about my body and thinking how I’m never going to achieve my goals for it. Then I caught a glimpse of my own eyes in the mirror and it caught me off guard for a moment.
I started telling myself to stop. Within a few seconds, I flipped the old thought patterns. I decided to speak life into myself while looking directly into my eyes.
Sometimes we need others to pull us back and look us in the eye for a reset.
Then there are times we need to look in our own eyes to start a reset.
Yes, I’ve gone from 80% clean eating to 70% clean eating during the past two months. Yes, I’ve visited physical therapists/specialists, maintained a CBD regime, and scheduling Chiro appointments multiple times during the week. Have things improved? Yes. Yet I’m not at 100% - more like 60%. Then I reminded myself - you weren’t at 60% two months ago. Celebrate the 60% you’re at right now! Healing takes time. And it’s easy to get back to 80% clean eating. Clean eating fluctuates because sometimes you just need a dirty slice of pizza.
After a much needed self-talk session, I thought about self-trust. How I have failed numerous times in showing up for myself and how it feels I will never achieve the level of self-trust I desire.
Then I realized - breaking some trust with myself isn’t about fulfilling promises to never eat some Girl Scout™ cookies or pizza.
The root of self-trust is that no matter how much I slip and slide all over the place, I’ll always get back up. I remembered how getting back up has been the one constant during my 42 years on this planet. I realized my self-trust has been hinged to checking all the right boxes in making good choices for myself - aka perfectionism.
When in reality, self-trust is hinged to our tenacity to get back up and having a list as a guide.
That morning, I encouraged and empowered myself for the first time in a long time. I discovered I’ve had self-trust this whole time.
And you’ve got it too, friend.
